this is me.

Judah Winslow Noel

- Judah's Birth Story -

My water broke at 7:00 p.m. on Wednesday evening. Earlier that day, I'd had a doctor appointment and nothing had changed from the week before. I was disappointed because my friend Courtney, who was also pregnant (Baby Gabriella arrived the day after Judah), had been getting reports of dilation and soften cervexes for weeks! And I had nothing. No soft cervix. No dilation. His head hadn't even dropped! I felt like I was going to be pregnant forever. After my appointment, I ran some errands, went to bible study, and then home to start spring cleaning on our little deck.

I started having mild contractions around 4:30, but didn't realize what they were because I'd had them a week before and just thought it was part of the whole "preparing for birth" experience that your body begins going through. Eventually, they started getting a bit worse and I broke out the Magic Bag and my big blue excerise ball and continued to email people and check facebook. *smile* Just before 7:00, I was giving Minnow her daily belly rub and, as I stood up, my water broke. I couldn't believe it! I called for Jody, who ran out of the shower, and we stared at each other in disblief. The wait for our little dude was finally going to be over.

After running around looking for our prenatal sheets to tell us what to do next, Jody call the hospital and I hopped in the shower. Because my contractions were only a few minutes apart, we were told to be ready to check-in within the hour. Jody called our parents and prepared the last few items for our hospital bag. As the realization that the day we'd dreamed of, worked so hard for, and prepared for was finally here, we said a long prayer together. We were ready to meet our son. I quickly texted my two best friends, Andrea and Jen, telling them my water broke and to please pray for me.

We loaded our bags and drove the 5 minutes to St. Mary's Hospital. When we arrived, we were told the maternity ward was full! My heart sank. The maternity ward was the nicest thing about this hospital - the private birthing rooms were where you stayed throughout the delivery and during the rest of the hospital stay, unlike a lot of hospitals. And they were full! I tried not to panic as we were taken temporarily into a small room off the main hallway while the nurses tried to figure out where to put us. Jody and I were left alone as my contractions grew stronger and closer together. He held me through my contractions, rubbed my back, and prayed with me quietly between them. The nurse returned eventually, assessed me - 3 cm dilated! - and said I would be giving birth in this room. I almost had a panic attack. I desperately needed another shower because I didn't know you continue to 'leak' amnoitic fluid after your water breaks (maybe I should have read more books!). Its not a nice feeling. And the nearest toilet was down a long hallway, which I waddled down in my hospital gown, wearing it backward to ensure no unnessecary flashing! I mean, I couldn't give birth in this little room - Where was the the private tub I was told about, the birthing ball, the handy birthing stool, did I mention no bathroom?! Sensing my panic, Jody quickly informed them that wasn't going to work and the nurse left again to "see what they could do".

Finally, around 9:30 p.m., we were moved into a birthing room & the mother that had been in the materity ward the longest was put into a normal hospital room. I felt slightly bad for making her move, but only slighty. I mean, I was in the middle of labour and needed a shower! Having been there herself a few days before, I'm hoping she understood. Immediately, I took a nice long hot shower and continued dealing with the contractions, which where getting much more intense, and tried not to think about being 3 cm dilated. I just knew I didn't want another dilation report unless it was good... as in almost 10.

A contraction is nothing like I've ever felt and its really hard to describe until you are in the midst of them. Initially, they were similar to menstrual cramps, light and then increasingly more severe as they progressed. But as the contractions intensify, its a very deep, intense, active pain that would roll over my lower belly and settle in my lower hips. It was different than I expected because I didn't realize my hips would ache so strongly or strangely. Each contraction had a very distinct beginning, a peak and - thankfully - an end. Between contractions, I would try and gather courage to prepare for the next one.

As part of my birth plan, I was hoping not to need any medication or intervention from the doctor in dealing with the pain. I was trying hard to focus on each and every contraction individually so that they wouldn't overwhelm me. Around 10:30, I was told Dr. Scott was on her way. I was happy to not be assessed on the progression of my labour for a while longer because I was afraid of becoming discouraged if it wasn't progressing fast enough and that I'd asking for drugs. I was trying to focus all my energy on each and every contraction individually so that they wouldn't overwhelm me and would chat "I can do this. I can do this. I can do this" over and over in my head.

Jody stayed right beside me the whole time, encouraging me and telling me I was doing a good job over and over again. "You are doing so good, honey. I am so proud of you”. Just a few simple words and I would be encourage to keep going; our son was almost here and I was doing this as much for him as for myself. He would leave my side only to reheat my Magic Bag, which helped with the cramps, refill my water and juice cups, or get another cold cloth to hold on my forehead. He was everything I could have asked for in a birth partner.

When Dr. Scott entered the room, I immediately felt at ease. One of my deep fears for my delivery early-on had been that my doctor wouldn't be able to make it. I adore her and she assured me that with the four different contact numbers she has, she wouldn't miss it. Having just seen her earlier that day, she laughing said I was the last maternity patient she thought she'd be seeing that night! A quick check revealed I was just over 7 cm dilated! I was relieved and the goal of 10 cm and our baby seemed near, attainable. Dr. Scott told the nurse to get everything ready and she went to go change into her scrubs.

A few moments later, I began throwing up into the garbage can, which luckily was within reach. I was all alone in the room, thankfully, because I seriously HATE throwing up in front of people. A few minutes later, Dr. Scott was back and indicated that the throwing up was a sign of transition - I was close! The pain in my hips was getting so deep and active, it was difficult to breathe. Dr. Scott showed Jody a way of pressing on my hips to help relieve the pain and would tell me to "Not be afraid of it" when I'd tense up during the peak of the contractions. I think she was a yoga teacher in another life because immediately I would relax a little and the contraction would pass.

Another quick check and I was 10 cm dilated! It happened so fast, it was hard to believe. Within a few minutes, I had an overwhelming urge to push. My girlfriends had warned me about this feeling and it was exactly as they'd described. I was on my knees, facing the head of the inclined bed and leaning my forehead on my arms. I had never planned to birth like that, but it felt the most natural at the time. Jody was right beside me as I began to push. Dr. Scott let me push as I felt the need to push instead of directing me. Her quiet, strong presence reassured me that everything was alright. After three contractions worth of pushing, Dr. Scott told me she could feel the head! Another push and she could see the head! Jody was brave and even took a peak! Knowing we were so close, gave me courage to keep going and I could feel Judah's head moving out more and more downward with each push. With one final burst of effort, sharp and quick pain, and unspeakable joy, my life was changed forever - Judah was born!

Immediately, he was put onto my chest and as he opened one little eye to look as me as he put his tiny little hand on my chest. My heart broke and I knew I'd never be the same again. I was a mom to this tiny baby. My baby. He never cried out, just looked at me with small, dark eyes. Jody came in close beside me and we just absorbed our baby, taking in each and every detail. We were a new family. Judah was perfect. I told Jody multiple times "I did it! We did it! He's here! I really did it!"

Fifteen minutes after his birth, Dr. Scott let Jody cut the umbilical cord and he took off his shirt to hold the baby skin-to-skin. It was a special moment, watching my husband become a father. My two men, one little and one big. The took him away to measure and weight - a wee 5 pounds, 12 ounces and 19 inches long.

I breastfed him for the first time as I lay there recovering and an hour after that I was out of the bed and standing in a nice, hot shower. Never in my life has a shower felt so good! My recovery has been wonderful and uncomplicated, despite a few stitches and a slighty sore body. Judah has been feeding non-stop since his birth and that, surprisingly has become one of my favorite times with him. I was unsure what my reaction to breastfeeding would be but knew the nutritional benefits far outweighted my hesitancy. But as we cuddle and he feeds, often early in the morning, usually on the couch, he coos at me, makes funny faces, and opens and closes his fingers against my breast or across his own head, I fall in love with him over and over. Nothing can prepare your heart for those moments.

To come face to face with the most intense pain and overcome it, the strongest fears and face them, the deepest love… I am beyond words. God's presence was so strong in that room and all the expectations, hopes and desires Jody and I had for our labour was exceeded far beyond what we imagined. We felt God's faithfullness tangibly.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you. Isaiah 26:3

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Proverbs 3:5

I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. Phillipians 4:13