seriously, its december?!  the last few months have just flown by.  i feel like that statement is so cliche, but the older i get and the more babies i have (ha!), the faster the moments fly by.  this last month has been family sessions and newborn sessions and a little family vacation and goals and planning.  its all so very exciting.

last year was a really strange time during the winter, with virtually no sessions from december to march.  the weather stinks.  so i get to read, sit by the fire, watch movies, drink wine with my hubby, snuggle a baby, wrangle a toddler, read, drink tea, read a bit more.  i am so looking forward to it!

i am planning a few changes to my blog and website.  one new feature i want to start having is a monthly goal feature.  i believe its important to document goals and hopefully my committing them to paper my blog, it'll be a reminder and help me to be more mindful of them.

Personally::

- CHRISTMAS!  This year will be the first year we get to stay home!  i am THRILLED to wake up in my own bed.  open presents under our own tree.  cook my own turkey (aka get all the yummy leftovers to myself!).  start some of our own traditions.  although i love spending time with our extended families, we have traveled to be with them for christmas for the last F.O.U.R. years and enough is enough.  i am so, so excited.

- go ice skating.  its a family tradition.  i promise to post pictures.  trust me, its not pretty.

- above-noted down time.

- work out.  i know -- who wants to think about that during the holidays?!  but i just started these incredible workout classes with the jillian michaels of the sunshine coast.  this lady is amazing.  plus, them i'll be virtually guilt-free when i eat a disgusting amount of turtles chocolates.

Business::

- order a few new products.  *yipee*

- new blog / site launch.  i have a feeling this will be repeated in january's goals.  even though it may not be published by the end of december, i'm working diligently on it.  and can't wait to share!!

- update the blog.  with all of my shoots that have i haven't posted.  bad bad melissa.

GOALS! 

- organize my christmas cards.  last year, i completely forgot til about december 26th and then it never happened.  i will be more organized this year!

- do a “End of the Year Review" of my favorite photos.  i always love when other photographers do this and have decided to jump on the bandwagon, too.

dad :: 2012

some nights i can't sleep.  this doesn't happen often.  sometimes, when it does happen, i'm very productive.  other nights, not so much.  i just click mindlessly through facebook and instagram til boredom makes me tired.  tonight is not one of those nights.  tonights i want to feel... feel fragile, feel vulnerable, feel exposed.

today would have been my dad's 60th birthday.  some times i feel the weight of his birthday days and weeks in advance, a looming sadness and melancholy.  other times i nearly forget and the shock of his birthday arriving has an unexpected, sharp pain.  like a bee sting.  

this year it snuck up on me.  i have been so preoccupied these last few days, with christmas preparations for our first year celebrating at home and in the general life of a mother with young children, surrounded with bottles and diapers and small cars and puzzle pieces.  i completely forgot today was the 18th til mid-morning, when judah realized that, with a fresh day, he was entitled to another advent calendar chocolate post-breakfast.

i've written a bit about my family before.  today i'm not going to.  in the spirit of my dad, who wrote poems for each and every occasion, i am just going to share a poem that i love.

dad, i miss you still.  i see you in the mischievous gleam in judah's eye and the dimple in his cheek.  i see you in the girls, in their twin-ness.  now that i have daughters, i wonder how you saw me as your baby girl.  about your upbringing was as a twin.  i can hardly believe you would only have been sixty this year -- as i age, it doesn't seem nearly old.  how have you been so long gone and missed so much?  i miss you still.  i wish we had had more time, healed.  xo m

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, 1927.