this is me.

This is primarily a pep talk for myself more than anyone else. But, I'm going to post it, just in case any other mamas can relate and need the encouragement.

No one, not Mr. Ferber or the Baby Whisperer or the dude who wrote Baby Wise, know what's better for your child than you do. Neither do your friends, your co-workers, your parents or a panel of experts.

Recently, I was having a discussion with a few mommy friends about how people can sometimes make you question everything you do as a parent. Or make you feel the need to validate every little decision that you make in regard to your child. I'm beginning to realize more and more that there are decisions that we must make, incredibly hard and thought-provoking and challenging decisions. These decisions surround how we birth our children, circumcision, immunizations & vaccines, feeding

& bathing them, sleep schedules. It never ends. And they all, in their own way, seem monumental. And people always have an opinion.

I had a mild breakdown while attempting to figure out sleep training and which, if any, method we would use. For fear of being those parents driving our children to sleep for every nap & bedtime for the first few years (this actually happened to people we know!), I read (aka quickly skimmed) numerous books on sleep training. One said no crying, just pick-up and put-down. Another said crying is ok, good even. And another said 5 minutes of crying is enough. Um, confusion! After a few horrible days of crying, I was frustrated and my baby was still awake. And still crying! So we quickly made our own routine involving cuddles, rocking, music and laying Judah down while he's still awake. Its like a Judah & moi blend of all three books. And I'm not a stickler and am often lured out of the house by the temptation of coffee dates and motherly gossip.

When the recipient of unwanted advice, I often remind myself that my baby is one of a kind and his is mine. No one else will venomously defend, earnestly pray over, intensely research, debate or lose sleep over what is best for him and our family like I will. Except maybe Jody. But highly unlikely.

No ones' opinion or advice should make you or me feel guilty about our parenting decisions. We each know our own children and their individual needs the most completely and wholly, more than any other, regardless of their good intentions. I will be Judah's expert, his advocate, his protector, and his mother, to the best of my abilities. And even better still, with God's grace.

In direct defiance of much advice I have been given, I am currently wearing Judah, still asleep in his Ergo Baby Carrier, on my chest. We just got home from a walk about 20 minutes ago and I wandered the house for a while, simultaneously doing chores and savoring the smell and touch of him. I don't want to look at him one day when he's a toddler, running wild, and realize I didn't cuddle him for fear of breaking a schedule or creating an attached monster. Tomorrow I will make him nap nicely, as per our routine, but for right now, this moment, I will cuddle him.